Learning to socialize is one of the first basic components of life we are taught. The Covid-19 pandemic interrupted a vital part of our development as children and cut us off from real-life socialization, forcing us to turn to the internet for social connection. Many people of our generation developed false ideas of how to treat others. Internet trends and ideas about relationships and friendships pushed forward the “three-month rule” and “honeymoon phase,” as well as an excessive use of “red flag” accusations. This “dating/friendship advice” proved more harmful than helpful, encouraging people to end friendships and relationships based on online rules and tips, without considering their own specific situations.
The three-month rule implies that after three months of knowing someone, you should know whether or not you should commit to or break up with them. The “rule” caused harm for many people, since three months are not always the same in every situation. You should not give up on knowing someone after only three months because you don’t think things have gone far enough. Everyone moves at different paces in relationships.
The “honeymoon phase” and “lovebombing” are both misconceptions that someone may be overly affectionate. The terms refer to signs that they may soon leave you, or that the affection will not last long. These terms led people to think affection is a red flag.In reality, everyone is different in a relationship, and a similarity to others’ experiences does not predict how or when yours may end.
When discussing the social culture with Arcata High students, we received mixed responses. An anonymous student shared details about how a toxic friendship affected them. The student shared that toxic friendships can be characterized by actions that negatively impact a person’s mental and physical well-being. Often, these actions can take shape in constant boundary violations and unclear communication about how a person is feeling.
Other students listed types of behaviors used to manipulate or gain power over others, such as gaslighting and guilt-tripping. These behaviors can cause negative outcomes in people’s lives.
Luckily, there are some solutions. When asked for advice on how to deal with these situations, confrontation was a common response. One student wisely said, if you confront them and they don’t take accountability, you should leave. If they don’t take accountability, they will not change. As some might say, people enter your life for a season, a reason, or a lifetime. It can be difficult to take a step back, look at your relationships, and make decisions for the better. Once you learn to do that, you can be free.
