In a move that President Trump claims will rapidly reduce the national debt, the Office of Tariff Affairs and Trade Agreements(TATA) announced that a 100% tariff would be imposed on all United States imports.
President Trump posted on TruthSocial this morning, “The FAKE NEWS outlets will tell you to socialize. In my revolutionary tariff plan, I will eliminate unnecessary interactions and encourage small circle growth. By sticking to the people we already agree with, I will MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN.”
Under TATA’s new plan, anyone who initiates a conversation will require the recipient to pay a tariff to the federal government before speaking. However, interactions with immediate family members may have lower tariffs in an effort to consolidate everyone’s social circle and undercut political socialization.
For many, this is a devastating blow.
“These tariffs will make ‘girls’ night’ too expensive! Can you imagine how much money just planning the hangout with each person would be?” Chasdideigh Lee, a Utah college student, said. “I’m worried that no one will want to talk to me anymore.”
Trump’s tariffs may mean the end of group socialization. Economist John Snyder warns that excessive tariffs may drive the value of currency up, causing the lower classes to struggle in social settings. He also warns that if enough people become afraid of “wasting” their interactions, we may head into a recession where no one is talking at all.
But for 45-year-old professional Redditor Wyatt Smith, increased tariffs promise a bright future.
“I won’t have to talk to anyone ever again because they won’t want to pay a stupid tariff on my conversation,” Smith chuckled. “I’ll have more time to play League of Legends and monitor my Discord server.”
