Maintaining a platonic relationship with your ex is controversial, but generally, there are some agreed-upon guidelines about what is acceptable.
Sending reels, texting, and the occasional group hangout constitute staying friends with the ex, but “one-on-one in private…sending flirty texts, cute selfies,” indicates something more, according to senior Lela Broughton. Broughton is big on loyalty, so once she gets into a new relationship, she limits contact with her ex even further.
“Where I am today, I wouldn’t feel comfortable going out of my way texting my exes,” Broughton said.
The length of the past relationship may affect the viability of being “just friends.” Broughton feels that being friends with someone you dated for a short time is suspicious while senior Cooper Miles feels that the more history his partner has with someone, the more uncomfortable he is with their friendship. He says that the farther in the past their relationship was, the more trust he has in his partner.
“If someone is open about it and they’re honest, I feel like that’s ok,” Miles said.
If someone was good friends with their ex before they dated, it may be easier to slip back into true platonic friendship.
“Maybe you guys just have that connection that’s so strong, but you weren’t meant to be together in that way,” Broughton said.
Anonymous sophomore “Jane Doe” said she would be more likely to remain friends with her ex if the relationship was healthy. She says her boyfriend is fine with her ex because they are friends themselves.
While Broughton and Miles said the gender of the ex doesn’t matter, Doe feels that she would be scared of being compared to her partner’s ex-girlfriend if they were keeping close contact.
“I would feel the same, but I would be more insecure or jealous about his ex-girlfriend than if he had an ex-boyfriend,” Doe said.
While it is difficult to do, the interviewees agreed that it is possible to get over romantic feelings for an ex and truly be “just friends.” However, they shouldn’t be any closer to you than your other friends, and you shouldn’t do anything you don’t want your partner doing with their exes.
Even though she believes one can be just friends with their ex, Broughton says to trust your gut feeling when you think something is fishy.
“I would probably have a conversation with my partner if something had made me uncomfortable, and hopefully they’d change it,” Broughton said.
