The Pepperbox

The Student News Site of Arcata High School

The Pepperbox

The Pepperbox

The winner of the 2024 Kinetic Grand Championship: HumBULLdt Pie Factory
Competing for the glory at the annual Kinetic Grand Championship
Ryenne Kile and Taya Holmes June 12, 2024

The 2024 annual Kinetic Race took place over Memorial Day Weekend. It launched on Saturday, May 25 at 12:07 p.m. from the Arcata Plaza and concluded...

Cast of Alice by Heart bowing at the end of closing night
Down the rabbit hole: A review of “Alice by Heart”
Ilana Maclay, Feature editor • June 12, 2024

Lights fade. Drapes open. The audience falls quiet. The Spring musical production of “Alice by Heart” opens with a beautiful image of Alice...

Ethnic studies class postponed yet again
Taya Holmes, Copy Editor • June 12, 2024

California will be the first state to implement a high school graduation requirement for an ethnic studies class. California is requiring that...

Bathrooms vandalised, students suspended
Caterina Morones, Production Manager • June 12, 2024

Admin closed multiple bathrooms until further notice due to accounts of vandalism, vaping, and other disrespectful acts. Principal Ron Perry...

Gary: The man behind the cemetery gate
Andrea Merezko, Social Media Director • June 12, 2024

When one goes to school it isn't plain to the mind what surrounds the school campus. Whether that’s coffee shops or gas stations for snacks...

WAKE UP: Santa Claus is NOT Real!

Your parents were being EVIL and LYING to you.
Anthony Vasek
Santa Claus, drunk and bad at his “job.”

As a young American, you’re told enough lies by the time you’re eighteen to kill an adult horse. Luckily, most are innocent: your blood is blue until it touches oxygen, if you swallow a watermelon seed, it’ll grow inside you, gum stays in your stomach for seven years, you use only 10% of your brain, etc.

However, every winter a much more sinister lie would come regarding the origin of your Christmas presents.

You were told of a fat, jolly man, decked in red from head-to-toe who squeezes himself down your chimney (or front door, if you lacked one), eats all your cookies, and leaves a bunch of presents beneath your tree.

That is, as long as one simple condition was met; that you have been good this year.

However, dear friends, your parents were being EVIL and LYING to you. 

Santa is not only a false prophet whose existence is scientifically impossible, but a symbol of authoritarian fascism meant to stifle the spirits of children worldwide by stuffing them into such arbitrary boxes as “bad” and “good.” 

Just think about it for a moment! How would such a fat man fit through the chimneys when, according to Missouri University, chimneys are hardly ever over thirteen inches in diameter? Isn’t that forced intrusion, anyways?

What a weirdo.

And what about the magical reindeer? They surely aren’t pulling that sleigh around the world by their own choice.

I mean, Santa has already shown himself more than willing to put aside morality and enslave the elves for his benefit. Someone tell these elves they can create a union!

Besides, the distance around the world is 24,901 miles. Without even considering the time Santa would spend inside each house, the deer would have to move at a minimum of 2,075 miles per hour just to make the trip. The sheer number of calories necessary for such a journey taken at such a speed could not be held in the tender, delicate bodies of reindeer. If my dad had told me they were elk, maybe I would’ve been fooled, but not now!

In conclusion, Santa Claus is not real. I’m sorry.

We must start being honest with ourselves and accept that our trust was broken during the most vulnerable times of our lives, so we may break the cycle for our children.

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About the Contributor
Anthony Vasek
Anthony Vasek, Managing Editor
Anthony Vasek has been a reporter for the Pepperbox, a student-run publication with nearly a century of history, since 2022. This year he is excited to use his knowledge to take on an editorial role. His coverage revolves mostly around sensitive topics, such as mental health and drug use. He also does a great deal of graphic design, leading the class in InDesign during each layout session. Two articles of his have won both first and second place, respectively, in the Feature category of the Jackie Awards. Personally, he has a strong belief towards the supremacy of felines and fish.
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