Pepperfaux: Student sets new Guinness World Record for time spent on Instagram reels

In shocking news, a student at Arcata High School will soon be added to the Guinness World Record book for their dedication to the doom-scrolling craft. Spending 24 hours of their day on their phone without breaks, they claim, has no negative effects.
“Everyone says I have an addiction or something, but I can put it down anytime I want. Hey, give me my f*ck*ng phone back,” Tim Cheese said, who is now their legal name.
Cheese was unable to continue the interview due to the psychological trauma of their phone being stolen, but their friend Dirk Frisbee was able to add a couple of words.
“The most shocking thing about this whole situation is that they said real words for the first time in 2 years instead of ughh ‘on skibidi’,” said Frisbee.
For a present to celebrate setting a world record, Cheese’s mother tried to bring him to rehab, but she claimed that all the rehab centers said he was a lost cause.
Cheese was able to add a couple of words about rehab at a later time.
“People are just over exaggerating. It’s not even that bad. Sometimes I switch to TikTok or even YouTube if I’m feeling smart,” said Cheese.
Friends and family had stated that when Cheese loses his phone, he has violent outbreaks. His mother and sister were last seen on Tuesday, May 14, at 9:00 a.m.