Consent is “misleading because, [someone could say] ‘I consent to this,’ but it’s not really how they feel,” junior Arthur Yang said. “It’s a word that’s thrown out a lot.”
Education outreach manager and sexual assault counselor for the North Coast Rape and Crisis Center, Kira Morse said,
“Consent is permission to do something. It’s listening to the answer that you get, not the answer that you necessarily want.”
Consent is an important topic to consider when entering a relationship with anyone.
Discomfort and Pressure
Johnny Kell, the Northern Humboldt Union High School District School Nurse, advised avoiding repeated requests.
“Don’t frame the question in a way that leads the person to an implied ‘yes,’” he said. Make sure there isn’t a power imbalance so no one feels obligated to consent.”
An anonymous junior source said, “If somebody is [doing] anything that you would do when you’re nervous, then that’s probably a no. If they sound kind of shaken or they’re like, ‘Yeah, I guess,’ then that’s a no.” If they seem unsure, she said, ask again. “Be clear. If you don’t want chocolate ice cream, say, ‘No, thanks. I don’t want chocolate ice cream.’”
She spoke about her past experiences of consenting in response to persuasion.
“I feel like if they had stopped saying, ‘It’s fine if you say no,’ …I don’t know why exactly, but that
part was like, now I can’t say no, because I felt rude.”
Communication and Conversation
Romance is exciting. Bringing up serious topics in the “talking stage” is daunting, but necessary.
“You guys should both respect each other’s boundaries as soon as you start talking or are gonna start doing things,” Yang said. Kell advised normalizing the conversation and checking in frequently.
“Choose the right time and setting, use ‘I’ statements, and try to address awkwardness with honesty.”
Before engaging in activities with anyone, have a plan. Talk to a trusted adult or friend ahead of time.
Boundary Setting and Giving Consent
“Get to know your partner,” Kell said. “Sexual activity should be taking place between people who know each other, hopefully well.” If you want an encounter to end, use clear language. “Be assertive, if the situation escalates… do not hesitate to leave abruptly.”
When consenting to an action, it should be clearly understood.
“Consent is not a one-time agreement, it’s an ongoing process that can change at any time based on a person’s comfort, feelings, and circumstances,” Kell said.
Giving yourself time can help prevent a situation from getting out of hand.
“High school is a valuable time to… develop healthy habits that will benefit you in the future,” Kell said. “As you navigate relationships… surround yourself with people who uplift and support you, rather than those who bring you down.”
Resources
There are resources available to help those struggling with sexual assault.
On campus, Kell’s office is always open.
“We also have a student services department with academic counselors, a social worker, and a mental health counselor who are all perfectly capable of giving advice and listening to what you are going through,” he said. “Try to seek out a trusted adult, a family member, or someone from school. Try not to enter this new stage in your life alone.”
No romance expectations should determine your future.
Planned Parenthood is a health center focusing on reproductive health that provides care services including STD testing and abortion procedures at 3225 Timber Fall Ct Suite B in Eureka. They are open Tuesday to Saturday from 8:30 a.m. to 5:00 p.m., closed on Sundays, and from 11:30 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. on Mondays. Any time the health center is open, an individual can walk in to make an appointment or see if a same-day appointment is available. Eureka’s Planned Parenthood phone number is (707) 442-5700.
The North Coast Rape Crisis Team provides 24-hour crisis lines, peer counseling services, accompaniment, and advocacy. Their hotline phone number is (707) 445-2881, individuals can reach their office at (707) 443-2737, and their physical address is 425 I Street, Arcata. The National Sexual Assault Hotline, also available 24 hours, is available to call at 1-800-656-4673.
Open Door Community Health Center provides free, confidential healthcare education and counseling to help patients under 20 make healthy choices at their Teen Clinic from 3-5 p.m. on Mondays in McKinleyville. People can walk in or call for a free confidential consultation with one of the Teen Clinic providers. The Humboldt Open Door Clinic is reachable at (707) 826-8610.
“If you have a partner and it’s Valentine’s Day,” Yang said, “[and] you do wanna get freaky, you should talk about [consent] first. Deeply, because you could both misunderstand each other.”
