Red flags are warnings your best friends give you at the beginning of a relationship that you may choose to ignore. They are often overlooked during the initial stage due to an overwhelming desire to be with someone or a lack of recognition…
But what are some things you should never ignore? How do they act around friends versus when they’re just with you? Professional gaslighting when you ask about their day? The way they chew? The line between a pet peeve and a red flag is fine.
Urban Dictionary defines a “Red flag” as a “sign or warning of any impending danger, disaster, or doom in a relationship or situation.” For example: “When my gf called me up and gave me the “we need to talk” line, a red flag came up and I figured I’d soon be on the outs with her”, Urban Dictionary.
Common Red flags tend to be repetitive or follow patterns; once they appear, they will probably never leave.
- Needs a new Mommy
A partner needing their prospective partner to feel like a replacement parent and constantly needing to be cared for is one of the first major red flags. Healthy young adults are ready to take some accountability and practice basic life skills.
- “You can’t go out like that, who are you trying to impress?”
“I don’t want you talking to them; they act flirty around you even when I’m there,” or “I do not want you to wear that; it’s too revealing.”. This is just another act that a partner may use to isolate you from friends, family, and loved ones. If your partner talks down on you for who you hang out with or what you wear, it’s another way to subtly control you.
- The Umbrella of Manipulation
“I love you and only you… There is no one else for me…” after you have been dating them for a week. Love bombing happens when someone suddenly showers you with over-the-top displays of affection or flirtation. Someone using this tactic may act ‘hot and cold’ with you repeatedly and then ghost you without warning.
Love bombing can be a way of manipulating someone into thinking they are well taken care of and fully loved before breaking your heart. It’s a narcissistic tactic to make sure they still have a hold on you in an attempt to control you. In simpler terms, how they are possessive over you.
Gaslighting is another form of emotional and verbal abuse that can fall under the category of manipulation. This causes the victims to question themselves and their choices while giving the abuser more power. While people may joke about this, it’s not healthy.
- “I love you” (in private), “You are stupid” (in public)
“She’s so stupid because she doesn’t know XYZ about that thing.”
If your partner is all lovey-dovey in private but cold and stand-offish in public or around friends, then why are you together? Everyone deserves someone who will essentially worship them and not put them down in public. They do it just to make themselves look or feel good.
- “It’s not my fault I cheated, it was the rain”
If they cheat on their previous partner they are most likely going to cheat on you too. They cheated on someone they supposedly “loved” for you and you think your relationship will be just peachy? Think again, once a cheater always a cheater… just saying.
“All you want to do is fight.” after you ask why they made a specific choice like cheating.
- “Snap’s just easier!” (and problems communicating)
“I only Snap her for HW answers.”
Communicating primarily on social media is just weird. It’s sometimes seen as the only way to talk to someone when it’s not, and it’s not even that convenient.
For one, you need cell service to send or even open snaps. Texting primarily on social media isn’t just a red flag, it’s an ick in general. Why can’t you do your homework yourself or ask your partner for help before consulting other people, especially if they have a history with them?
“We’ve had each other on Snap forever, why should I remove her?”
A partner should never turn their issues, something they did, or problems back on you. They aren’t right for you if you can’t have a sit-down conversation without it causing a fight.
