The holidays are upon us, and that means your extended family will soon be invading your personal space and offending you and your “crazy millennial opinions.” Whether you have an overly religious grandmother trying to help you find Jesus, or an aunt who “isn’t trying to be racist”, the holidays can be a difficult time. Don’t despair though, we talked to our North Pole correspondents to give our readers prime advice to surviving the holidays.
If your grandparents ask you about how your grades are, use a lot of modern slang words, like “lit”, “sus”, or “ratchet”. This will confuse them and they’ll forget what they asked you in the first place.
If someone decides it’s time to start rehashing that awful Christmas where your aunt accused your mom of stealing her favorite serving plate and it erupted into an all out brawl, the best idea would be to sneak off to your room and blast Christmas music as loud as possible. This will keep your Christmas spirits high, and who knows, maybe your family will hear it and stop ruining the holiday.
Because of the recent election, politics will be a major topic of conversation this holiday season. To avoid any confrontation with your conservative family, anytime someone mentions “making America great again”, just get up and leave the room because there’s no way this conversation will end well.
The holidays can often have religious significance for many people, so when your cousin starts preaching to you about our Lord and savior Jesus Christ and you’ve heard it all before, just pop in your headphones, pull up your hood, and smile and nod while secretly jammin’.
If your uncle has too much to drink and starts getting misogynistic, remind him that Susan B. Anthony could probably take him in a fight.
We know you absolutely cannot wait to be minding your own business, amusing yourself on your phone, and someone just has to make a comment about your generation and their addiction to technology. For an easy way to get them off your back, start talking like Siri for the rest of the day. Answer their questions in a almost monotone, “I didn’t quite get that. Do you want me to search the web?” Maybe start making beeping sounds and doing the robot while you’re at it. That’ll show them how truly addicted to technology you are.
And of course, when that inevitable question from your visiting family about your relationship status comes up, we’ve got you covered. Just start screaming until they stop asking questions. This will also show them why you’re still single.
Dealing with your intrusive family can be difficult, but if you stick to these methods of avoidance, absolutely nothing can go wrong, and you’ll get the stress-free holiday season you’ve been looking for.